It Starts Small

Hello Friends!

Let me begin by expressing the deep passion I feel for this subject! There was a profound moment in my life, a true turning point, when I came to the astonishing realization that everything I had believed about God, myself, and the world surrounding me was merely a web of lies. Craft lies designed to steal my joy, kill my relationships and ultimately attempt to destroy who I was.

I have shared before that I was raised in a suffocating environment of legalism. To me, legalism meant everything was judged by outward appearances. It was a relentless pressure to prove your faith through your looks, your clothes, your church attendance, and your excessive commitment to every church event. Your finances and giving, even the way you spoke—it all revolved around the external. It was a constant performance, an exhausting act to maintain the façade of being one of the faithful. We wore masks to conceal the turmoil in our hearts, and even more tragically, to hide the chaos lurking behind closed doors in our homes. Protecting the image of “righteousness” became paramount; the stakes were high, for if anyone uncovered the truth, you faced the horrifying possibility of rejection and abandonment. You risked being exposed and metaphorically stoned for the failures lurking beneath that polished surface.

I can vividly recall that church, in my childhood, felt more like a duty we fulfilled on Sundays and Wednesday nights than a sacred experience. We once gathered for Bible study in the evenings, but that spark faded away too quickly. There was a void of genuine spiritual leadership in our home—no vibrant embodiment of Christ or enlightening discussions about nurturing a relationship with my heavenly Father, and certainly no exploration of His purpose for my life. It became merely a tiresome ritual. Then, a chasm opened between my parents and the church we attended, and the years that followed slipped by without my presence in any sort of “spiritual” environment. I slipped into a deep dark pit that would only get deeper and darker.

I was devoid of spiritual truth, but what I clung to were rigorous legalistic standards that suffocated me. Behavior wasn’t examined through the lens of something profound; no, it was merely a weapon used for condemnation and shame. You committed wrongdoings, and that branded you as a bad person in the harshest terms. The punishments rarely matched the offenses, and by the time I reached my teenage years, I was utterly lost. The enemy crafted a chilling fortress of fear, shame, guilt, and insecurity around me, leaving me isolated. Consequently, I spiraled into one reckless choice after another, desperately seeking to validate my own existence. It was as if I felt so dead inside, so hopeless, that I craved to feel alive in any way possible. You can imagine how easily the enemy ensnared me into a whirlwind of foolishness and chaos.

There was a moment when I truly believed my rescue had finally arrived. I wasn’t entirely oblivious to the potency of God’s Word; somewhere deep within, I had been yearning for this deliverance. I thought it had materialized in the form of a man. Just as Satan can masquerade as an angel of light, so too had this individual. I took him at his word, naively assuming that because he claimed Jesus as his Savior, my life was on the brink of transformation. I believed with fervor that he held the key to the path I desperately sought—the way to connect with God. Yet, in my reckless haste, I never sought the Lord for His truth; I simply jumped to conclusions. For the next 22 agonizing years, I battled through some of the darkest realms of evil I had ever encountered. It wasn’t until my 23rd year that I found myself engulfed in complete and utter desolation. Everything around me had been obliterated with a mere stroke of a pen, leaving me in a whirlpool of confusion. I had dedicated that year to searching for the Lord, making profound strides in finally understanding not only who I was, but who the Lord truly is and the chaotic world surrounding me. Yet, there I stood—amidst the rubble of my shattered life.

The following year plunged me into an abyss of spiritual warfare unlike anything I’d ever encountered. Desperate to connect, I reached out to friends and family, longing for understanding and support in my quest to uncover the truth about God, yet I was met with an even deeper sense of rejection. I tried to pour out my heart, to share the turmoil I was experiencing, but it often felt as if they viewed me as though I were sprouting a third eye on my forehead. The responses I received were steeped in cliché and lacked depth: “I’m praying for you. Trust the Lord. Etc.” I had never felt so utterly isolated and abandoned. I felt like maybe there was something wrong with me.

Struggling to stay afloat, there came a moment when I cried out to the Lord with raw desperation. I experienced a truly honest moment—not one of shaking my fist at Him, but of surrendering on my face, weeping and pleading for His understanding. I felt as though there was so much more that I was missing. I recognized that fear was real, anxiety consumed me, and the struggle with doubt was relentless. So, I resolutely decided to dig deeper, embarking on a profound journey into understanding His truth, allowing that truth to set me free.

I often pondered the idea of bringing this series to life, but it wasn’t until the middle of last year that I mustered the courage to allow the Lord to guide me into boldly proclaiming the truth about the fierce battlefield of our minds. What I uncovered was profound: my most significant struggles do not lie in the external world around me, but rather in the tumultuous war that rages within my mind. My thoughts. My reflections. The relentless fight for truth. There exist two kinds of truth in this world—the truth of society and the truth of God. The truth you embrace will dictate everything you do, say, and believe.

I was never taught to pause and “think about what you are thinking.” To dig deep into my thoughts, seeking God’s truth as a compass, unearthing their origins. I had never realized that my thoughts profoundly shape my perception of God, of myself, and of the world surrounding me. Instead, I was led to believe that psychology was mere junk science, that therapy was a crutch for the weak, and that I was inherently a bad person destined to remain so. I absorbed those messages from my parents, acquaintances, and my ex-husband. Some of these voices I was conditioned not to challenge; hence, I accepted them as undeniable truths, never daring to question those in authority over me. Occasionally, I would attempt to voice my doubts, but each attempt resulted in painful repercussions, teaching me to stifle my voice and suffer in silence. When it wasn’t the people around me, it was the medical community, which gaslighted women into believing there was something fundamentally wrong with us for being more emotional. They claimed “hormones” were imbalanced, insisting women needed to exert control over themselves for asking too much or demonstrating too much feeling. By the end of those grueling 22 years, I found myself utterly numb, completely shut down. Yet, buried beneath that numbness was a flicker of longing. This could not be the end! There had to be hope, somewhere out there—I just needed to discover it. Ultimately, that hope did not materialize in the form of a person or object; it manifested as the person of Jesus.

Psychology is a profound science born from our human experience in this world. While it may not be flawless, it offers invaluable insights into the intricate tapestry of behavior. It’s a powerful tool that unveils the very patterns we navigate on autopilot each day, often without realizing it. It bravely identifies what is “harmful” and what is “beneficial” in our lives. In therapy, when individuals can truly embrace honesty, it serves as a gateway to uncovering the roots of their behavioral patterns. But these tool only take us so far. Yet, it is only the Word of God that illuminates the true causes and far-reaching consequences of dysfunctional and harmful patterns, guiding us toward genuine healing and understanding.

It is only the Word of God that has the power to truly “cure” and transform these destructive behavior patterns. The world might declare there is no cure, insisting we merely cope with our struggles. But God offers a radically different message! Transformation is not achieved through our own strength, but through His Son, Jesus Christ! When we shed the “old” ways and invite Him to work within us through the Holy Spirit, a powerful new way of thinking is born!

But this process is not without its fierce battles and profound struggles! This journey is a lifelong commitment, a relentless daily pursuit! This study empowers us to dive deep into the Word of God, uncovering the very core of human behavior that is “harmful.” It equips us to unearth the roots of fear, worry, anxiety, hopelessness, insecurity, and so much more. We won’t just find these sources; we will boldly name them and confront them head-on! Together, we will explore how to triumph over these challenges and replace them with the liberating truth of God’s Word. His truth that sets us free!

You can click the button below and visit the main page to get a more specific idea of this study.

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