It Starts Small

According to God’s Word, unforgiveness and bitterness are spiritually destructive because they act as a direct barrier to fellowship with God, preventing a person from receiving God’s forgiveness and grace, hindering prayers, and allowing Satan a foothold in their life. 

Key Scriptural Principles of Destruction

The Bible highlights several ways unforgiveness and bitterness can harm a relationship with God:

Blocked Forgiveness from God: Scripture states that forgiving others is linked to receiving God’s forgiveness, as seen in Matthew 6:14-15.

Hindered Prayers and Worship: Unforgiveness can act as a barrier to prayer, as indicated in Mark 11:25 and Psalm 66:18.

A “Root of Bitterness” that Defiles: Bitterness is described in Hebrews 12:15 as a “bitter root” that can cause trouble and defile. Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages believers to be rid of bitterness and to forgive as God forgave.

Giving Satan a Foothold: Ephesians 4:26-27 warns that anger and not letting the sun go down on it can give the devil a foothold.

Revealing an Unthankful Heart: Refusing to forgive can show a lack of appreciation for the forgiveness God has granted, as referenced in Colossians 3:13. 

Scriptural Example: The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

The parable in Matthew 18:21-35 illustrates the consequences of unforgiveness. A servant, forgiven a large debt by his king, refused to forgive a small debt owed to him by a fellow servant. The king’s response and Jesus’ concluding warning in Matthew 18:35 highlight the seriousness of withholding forgiveness. You can find the full parable in Matthew 18:21-35. 

Dealing with unforgiveness and bitterness according to God’s Word involves a process rooted in humility, obedience, and the power of the Holy Spirit. It is a decision of the will, not a feeling, to release the desire for revenge and to choose to reflect God’s grace. 

Here are the key biblical steps:

1. Acknowledge and Confess the Sin

Recognizing unforgiveness and bitterness as sin is a starting point, as mentioned in 1 John 1:9 and Ephesians 4:31. Acknowledge this sin to God and ask for His help. 

2. Remember God’s Forgiveness Toward You

Reflect on the forgiveness you have received from God through Christ, as encouraged in Ephesians 4:32 and illustrated in Matthew 18:21-35. 

3. Make the Decision to Forgive (Act of the Will)

Forgiveness is a deliberate choice, not an emotion. Mark 11:25 provides instruction on this. Choose to release the perceived debt the person owes you. 

4. Release Vengeance to God

Trust God to handle the injustice, as stated in Romans 12:19. When thoughts of revenge arise, turn the matter over to God in prayer. 

5. Pray for the Offender and Choose to Do Good

Praying for those who have wronged you, as instructed in Matthew 5:44, can help counter bitterness. Romans 12:21 advises overcoming evil with good. 

6. Seek Support and Set Boundaries

Seeking help from others aligns with Galatians 6:2. Setting healthy boundaries is also important for self-protection while maintaining a forgiving attitude. 

Forgiveness is often an ongoing process that leads to increased freedom and peace.

Deeper Introspection:

Here are introspective journal prompts, rooted in God’s Word, to help you discover hidden unforgiveness and bitterness in your life and challenge you to actively deal with these sins:

Prompts for Discovery and Reflection

• Identifying the “Bitter Root” (Hebrews 12:15): The Bible warns about a “root of bitterness” springing up. What person, situation, or memory consistently triggers feelings of anger, resentment, or a sense of injustice in me? Be prepared for painful memories to come to mind.
• The Effects on My Behavior (Ephesians 4:31): How does my internal bitterness or unforgiveness manifest externally? Am I more prone to “anger, rage, malice, slander, or harsh words” in my daily interactions, especially regarding the person who hurt me?
• Hindered Prayer Life (Mark 11:25): The Bible says if you hold anything against anyone when you pray, forgive them. Do my prayers feel unheard or apathetic? Could my unforgiving heart be a barrier in my communication with God?
• Impact on Joy (Proverbs 18:14): Am I struggling to experience the fullness of God’s joy or peace? Could my soul be “sapped” or in a state of “grief” because of a wound I have refused to let heal?
• The “Debt” Owed (Matthew 18:21-35): In the parable of the unforgiving servant, he was unwilling to forgive a small debt after being forgiven a great one. Do I feel like the person who wronged me “owes” me something (an apology, restitution, suffering)? Am I holding onto this debt in a way that shows I’m minimizing the vastness of my own forgiveness from God?
• Justifying My Anger (Romans 12:19): Do I believe it’s okay for me to feel this way because of how much I was hurt? Am I trying to “get even” or control the situation myself instead of trusting God to be the ultimate judge and avenger?

Prompts for Challenge and Action

• Reflecting God’s Grace (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13): “Forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” Write about the magnitude of the sins God has forgiven you. How does comparing my sin against God to the offense committed against me change my perspective and motivate me to forgive?
• A Conscious Decision (Acts 3:19): Forgiveness is not a feeling, but an act of the will and obedience. What concrete steps can I take today to make a conscious choice to release the person who hurt me and surrender the situation to God?
• Praying for the Offender (Matthew 5:44): Jesus commands us to love and pray for our enemies. Write a prayer for the person you are struggling to forgive. Ask God to bless them or meet a genuine need in their life. What does it feel like to pray this prayer?
• Setting Godly Boundaries (Proverbs 4:23): Forgiveness does not mean granting the same level of access or trust to the offender, especially if they are unrepentant. What wise, protective boundaries can I establish while still maintaining a forgiving heart?
• “Putting On” Kindness (Colossians 3:12): The Bible calls us to “clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” as we forgive. What is one act of kindness (even to others in general) I can perform this week as a tangible step toward putting off bitterness?
• Seeking Help (Galatians 6:2): Am I carrying this burden alone? Write down the name of a trusted, wise mentor or friend you can talk to about your struggle and ask for prayer and accountability.

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