It Starts Small

This morning we continue the journey into discovering what love is and is not. Previously we walked through God’s Word to discover that God is love and love is God. Love is not of this world, but God is the source of love. We have explored the truth that love is patient and kind. We have journeyed to understanding that love does not envy, boast, and is not is not dishonoring, arrogant or selfish. Today we journey into understanding love is not irritable.

The KJV says love is not provoked and the NIV says love is not easily angered. The Greek word used is paroxynō and means to stimulate, spur on, urge, to irritate, provoke, arouse to anger, to exasperate, to burn with anger.

Love is not easily angered. What was Paul speaking here? Paul is encouraging us to not become someone who is easily angered or person who has anger outbursts. He’s telling us to not be a person who masks anger, rather be someone who has self control to control our anger.

Love is also not something you use as a stick to poke another person. We should never poke another person to the point the other person responds violently and aggressively. Psychology calls this reactive abuse. When someone intentionally does something to get a rise out of another person, it is done intently so the other person looks like the abuser and aggressor. This is not love, this is an abuse tactic. 

How do we respond when those in our lives poke us or how do we respond when we ourselves get angry? The first step is to always walk away and take it to God first. Do not confront people with assumptions, anger, dishonoring behavior or words, rudeness or character assassinations. 

Sadly, myself included, we can come up with a million excuses: bad day at work, a car pulled out in front of us, exhaustion, stress… None of these excuses would fly in the face of God. We need to take responsibility when we know we have provoked others to anger. We need to seek their forgiveness and return to God with repentance and confession. We not only hurt others, but we hurt our relationship with God. 

We need to practice allowing the Holy Spirit to work self control in us. With the Holy Spirit’s help, we can control the response to being angry and not become someone who is irritable. Today’s scripture says we need to not become easily angered. So the first important question is: What angers me? Be honest with yourself. 

Biblically, anger is a complex issue. We are going to explore three aspects of anger.

Destructive Power

Anger is not always bad. We will look at this later on. Anger can be explosive. Anger is like dynamite. It has a fuse and all it takes is a tiny flicker and that fuse it lit. It burns slow until the smallest of things cause a huge explosion. Anger has the power to pull your life apart just like an explosion destroys.

Anger is Bad for your Health! 

²⁹ A patient person shows great understanding,
but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.
³⁰ A tranquil heart is life to the body,
but jealousy is rottenness to the bones.

Proverbs 14:29-30

Proverbs links anger with jealousy and envy. We learned earlier in our journey that love does not envy. If you struggle with envy and jealousy, you will struggle with anger. This verse says it is a cancer of the bones. When anger lingers is becomes a habit. When we get good at anger, research suggests that it weakens the immune system, can lead to headaches, high blood pressure and heart disease.

Anger Destroys Relationships!

A gentle answer turns away anger,
but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
but one slow to anger calms strife.

Proverbs 15:1,18

Anger leads to relational tension and conflict. Words are turned into a weapon that makes tempers flare. Explosive anger can lead to physical violence, abuse, and even murder.

Anger blocks Wisdom!

A patient person shows great understanding,
but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.

Proverbs 14:29

When in the heat of anger, if you do not walk away, it only festers and you have an inability to make wise choices. Foolishness is the opposite of wisdom. When all is said and done and the dust settles and you look back, how often do feel foolish for the things you said and done? Punching a hole in the door, throwing things, or screaming at the top of your lungs did not accomplish anything. Anger distorts reality and harmful and unwise choices are made.

Habitual anger handcuffs your will!

A person with intense anger bears the penalty;
if you rescue him, you’ll have to do it again.

Proverbs 19:19

Angry people are often repeat offenders. Anger is like an addictive substance. The more angry you are, the more you feel the need to get angry. Read that again! The more angry you are the more you feel the need to be angry. Being angry has become a normal feeling and without it, you feel lost and not in control. Anger then becomes a vicious cycle and controls you.

Misguided expectation of “no” anger

No anger is just as much of a sin as dynamite anger. Paul says love is not easily provoked, not that love never gets angry. Let’s pause and read that scripture again. Love is not easily angered. It does not say it never gets angry. 

Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,

Ephesians 4:26

This is hoe God does anger. God’s anger flows from His love. God could not be a God of love if He never got angry at the sin and injustice in the world. Yes, God is love, but He is also a just God. From the pure holiness that He is, His anger is righteous. 

Our anger should navigate us to prayer. We need to program or train ourselves that the slightest feeling of anger, we need to quickly run to God. We need to ask Him for righteous responsibility be taken, but love never turns to hate and revenge. This is where anger spills over to the next morning. Be angry, but do not sin!

After looking around at them with anger, he was grieved at the hardness of their hearts and told the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out, and his hand was restored.

Mark 3:5

A great example of how to handle anger, is how Jesus handled the pharisees. Jesus was angry because they values ritual and rules more than they valued to life of this man. He did not respond back in anger or start an argument. Instead he focused on the man and reformed God’s work of healing.

Biblical call to Anger

When Paul says love is not easily provoked, he was saying love is not explosive anger or “no” anger, but SLOW anger. James puts it this way:

My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,

James 1:19

God is slow to anger. Imagine if the next sin you commit, He reacted to it as we do when we get angry?

If we want to be His reflection we need to learn and practice:

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in faithful love.

Psalm 103:8

We can put to practice prayer in place of anger. Tell God everything. Tell Him everything in the heat of your adrenaline rushing and your face is hot with anger. God has big shoulders. What do you think He would be more approving of: unleashing fury on others, or coming and yelling to Him? We are not going to take God by surprise. The healthiest place to take our anger is to Him. 

Listen more and speak less!

James says listen more and speak less. If you speak, speak with gentleness. A gentle answer turns away explosive anger. 

Get professional Help!

Some of us have been seriously injured and wronged. Undealt trauma can be the leading cause of anger in our lives. Trauma leaves deep wounds, challenging forgiveness, and some issues can not be worked out alone. It may be critical to find a good Christian counselor to guide you through a journey of discovering the deeper source of anger within you. A good Christian counselor can help mentor you towards healing and freedom in Christ. 

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