It Starts Small

When unchangeable feels unforgivable it feels like someone has taken something from you that you will never get back. When the outcome seems so final you can not get your bearings about you to go on. When they hurt you so deeply you fear normal is never going to come back. It is a grief that is so consuming from all the painful situations and it is completely maddening to think forgiveness should apply.

What would forgiveness even accomplish?

I wrestled with this question for many years. I admit, I raise my hand and admit that forgiveness is not easy. If it was, everyone would do it. But friends, can I share a secret, forgiveness is what leads to good. Every other choice we are presented with, including the choice to do nothing and remain where we are, just adds more hurt upon hurt.

Here are a few truths I have learned when I am hanging onto my heart and struggling to step towards forgiveness.

Forgiveness is more satisfying than revenge.

¹⁹ Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. ²⁰ But

If your enemy is hungry, feed him.
If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
For in so doing
you will be heaping fiery coals on his head.

²¹ Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good. Romans 12:19-21

Revenge is the act of paying twice for hurt that someone else did to you. Many fall into this idea that it is going to somehow many you feel better and it does in the short term, but the long term it costs more emotionally and spiritually than you can imagine or want to pay. Revenge only adds more wrongdoings on top of theirs.

Forgiveness does not let the other person off the hook. It places them in God’s Hands! As we walk through the process of forgiveness, it softens your heart. Peace promised by God is more satisfying than revenge. Let God’s vengeance handle the situation and not your own.

Our God is not a do nothing God

Have you ever echoed or spoken that outloud? Had that feeling that God is not actively participating. He is not seeing what is going on? That question is full of deep grief and suffering. I know, I have been there. One afternoon I cried out to God, why have you done nothing? Why are you going to allow these things to come?

When you are suffering to the point that each breath you take is excruciating, it is easy to assume God is doing nothing.

⁷ casting all your cares on him, because he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7

We do not serve a do nothing God. He is always working. It may be a slow working miracle or it may look different than what we expect, but God loves us and is always doing something. I could not see it two years ago sitting on the dirt floor of a goat barn, but I can see it now. As I sat there casting my heart into God’s hands, a tears flowing down my cheeks, I could not understand, but God is good! I could not understand until I was able to get to a point of looking back with His eyes.

The enemy is the real villain

¹¹ Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this darkness, against evil, spiritual forces in the heavens. Ephesians 6:11-12

People have a choice to sin or not. What helps me is to remember that the people who have hurt me are not the real enemy. These people willingly played into the enemy’s plan. The devil and his demons are real and on an all out assault against all things good. They are after destroying people. Destroying marriages. Destroying families. Destroying friendships. Destroying the body of Christ. They can not get at God, so they go after what He loves most, and that is who he created. The devil hates the word together and he works with intention purpose to destroy anything that brings honor and glory to God.

We need to understand that ALL have fallen short. We all at some point have made ourselves pawns for evil to use. We have done our fair share of hurting and received from other hurt. The heart and drive of that hurt is evil. hen we can fully grasp this, we begin a perspective change.

Adding truth to our perspective makes even the unchangeable, forgivable. This is not allowing someone to use the excuse, the devil made me do it. No, it allows us to see the true power and motive behind hurt and pain. It is a weapon designed to keep us from God. Unforgiveness keeps us from God.

These truths I share I did not read off a meme. I had to sit in God’s Word and really grasp what He reveals about forgiveness. Until we dare to walk in these truths, live them out, we are going to be in this dark shack of unhealed hurt and unresolved conflict. Remember, you are participating in forgiveness.

Forgiveness accomplishes the change we seek and restores and reconciles us to our Heavenly Father.

Forgiveness Part 1: Why is Forgiveness and Double Edged Sword?
Forgiveness Part 2: When Unchangeable Feels Unforgivable
Forgiveness Part 3: The Cure for a Heavy Heart
Forgiveness Part 4: My Anger
Forgiveness Part 5: Transformed Feet and Eyes