It Starts Small

¹⁷ So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would me. ¹⁸ And if he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. ¹⁹ I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—not to mention to you that you owe me even your very self. ²⁰ Yes, brother, may I benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. ²¹ Since I am confident of your obedience, I am writing to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. 

Philemon 17-21

 If you consider me your partner

Paul gets deeply personal. In a heartfelt appeal on behalf of Onesimus, Paul pulls out all the stops. In verses 17-20, he fervently underscores the profound bond he shares with Philemon. There are countless compelling reasons why Philemon should eagerly welcome Onesimus back as a brother. If all other arguments fail to sway Philemon, this becomes Paul’s ultimate strategy. In essence, Paul is saying, “If you can’t do it for him, please, do it for me.” To reject Onesimus, then, is to outright reject Paul himself.

Paul presented a captivating argument, weaving his love for his brothers in Christ effortlessly into his plea. Scripture leaves us in suspense regarding Philemon’s response. However, it’s nearly impossible to fathom that he could refuse such a heartfelt request. It’s also unlikely that he would dare to do so.

⁶ For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:6

Paul fervently explored every possible avenue to persuade Philemon to choose the right path. He wielded the power of logic and drew upon their personal connection, fueled by a deep-seated love and commitment. The insight to express these profound truths was a gift from God. Utilize every tool in your toolbox with unwavering passion to inspire others to embrace righteousness, guided by divine wisdom.

welcome him as you would me. 

Philemon was called to embrace Onesimus with the same warmth and love he would bestow upon Paul. This is a staggering benchmark! It serves as a powerful reminder that true forgiveness transcends mere words like “it’s okay.” Genuine forgiveness is illuminated through our actions. You cannot profess to forgive if you continue to carry the burden of their wrongs in your heart. In most scenarios, forgiveness entails not just letting go, but restoring relationships and welcoming the person back into your life. If you say to a friend, “I forgive you,” but also add, “I never want to see you in my home again,” it’s clear. You have not yet found true forgiveness.

If you tell your spouse, “I forgive you for adultery but are filing for divorce tomorrow,” you are kidding yourself.

Note that forgiveness does not mean the offending party is free from all consequences. In countless circumstances, forgiveness might not restore the relationship to its former state. You may find it within your heart to forgive a relative who betrayed your trust by stealing your money. However, it is vital to remain vigilant and cautious. Be careful before entrusting him with your hard-earned resources again. Likewise, you could forgive a spouse who has hurt you in the past. However, it’s essential to prioritize the safety of yourself and your children. Take the necessary precautions.

Forgiveness is a profound act of generosity that goes hand in hand with receiving. Dive into the depths of your relationships and challenge yourself: have you truly, wholeheartedly forgiven those past transgressions? Are you ready to open your doors and welcome that person? Can you treat them with warmth and respect? Would you extend the same courtesy to Paul? Let your heart lead the way to reconciliation!

And if he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge that to my account.

Paul boldly stepped forward to pay off any debt that Onesimus owed. This act mirrors the incredible sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross. He bore our sins and debts, charging them to His own account, laying down His life for our salvation. Thus, the story of Onesimus resonates deeply with our own journey. Onesimus was a slave, and we too are shackled by the chains of sin. He attempted to resolve his plight through his own means, yet his status remained unchanged. We may exhaust every effort to escape the grip of sin, but we find ourselves helpless to liberate our souls. But then, the Lord sought out Onesimus, transforming his identity from a mere slave to a cherished brother! The Lord rescues us from the depths of our sins. We are remarkably elevated to a glorious new position in Christ. Just as Onesimus’ debts were charged to Paul, ours are lovingly charged to Christ.

We also learn two more lessons from this.

• Repentance involves restitution: If Onesimus had stolen money or caused a loss to Philemon, it needed to be repaid. If I steal your phone and then say, “I’m sorry,” but keep the phone, that is not genuine repentance. True repentance demands that everything possible be done to make restitution (Exodus 22:1). Sometimes restitution is not possible. This could be because the crime is too great or the criminal is too poor. Onesimus’ case was one of these. He was unable to make restitution for himself. Paul stepped in on his behalf. Regarding our salvation, we are unable to pay God back because our sin is too great.

Do everything in your power to make a situation right if you have wronged someone. Make restitution if you can. At the same time, remember that Jesus paid our debts, and His grace covers us.

• Paul was willing to sacrifice his own well-being for Onesimus – Paul practiced what he preached in Philippians 2:4.

⁴ Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:4

I, Paul, write this with my own hand

Paul often had other people transcribe his letters, relying on their skills to ensure clarity and accuracy. However, writing it with his own hand added a special touch, making each communication deeply personal and heartfelt. This practice was not merely a formality. It showcased the significance of the request he was making. It allowed him to convey his heartfelt appeal in a way that others could not replicate. The unique characteristics of his handwriting had distinctive loops and flourishes. These features reflected his personality. They made the recipient feel valued. In essence, this thoughtful gesture underscored how much he cared about the message content. It showed how much he valued the people to whom they were addressed.

I will repay it

Paul fervently assures that he is absolutely good for it, declaring with conviction that he will repay whatever is necessary. It seems improbable that Philemon would genuinely demand such a thing from him. However, it doesn’t matter. Paul stands ready and willing. He is driven by an unwavering commitment to uphold his promise.

not to mention to you that you owe me even your very self. 

We can boldly call a spade a spade! Paul passionately lays it on thick, emphasizing that Philemon stands in a profound debt to him. Yet, this isn’t likely referring to any financial burdens, for Paul was a humble missionary. This debt likely represents the immense spiritual blessings Philemon has received. These blessings are all thanks to Paul’s tremendous influence in his life. One cannot help but wonder if Philemon’s very salvation is a beautiful result of Paul’s dedicated ministry!

refresh my heart in Christ.

In verse 7, we discovered that Philemon possessed the remarkable ability to uplift and refresh the hearts of the saints. Now, Paul yearns for a taste of that joy! A warm and favorable response from Philemon would provide him with immense spiritual encouragement. It would ignite his spirit like never before.

knowing that you will do even more than I say. 

Paul brimmed with confidence that Philemon would embrace his letter with open arms. He envisioned Philemon not merely meeting expectations but soaring beyond them, driven by a generous spirit. This moment pivots the responsibility squarely onto Philemon’s shoulders, empowering him to lavish even greater kindness on Onesimus. Let us rise to the occasion, transcending the ordinary in our service to others. Reflect on someone who has wronged you—have you truly forgiven them? If the answer is yes, consider a profound act of kindness you could extend to them. Choose a gesture that radiates peace. Let it foster reconciliation.

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Cross-References

• Matthew 10:40-42
• Exodus 22:1
• Colossians 3:13
• Proverbs 10:12
• Jeremiah 31:25

Discussion Questions

• What does Paul ask of Philemon in these verses?
• What do you learn of his relationship with Philemon?
• How does Paul use his personal relationship in this appeal?
• Should Paul bring his personal relationship into this issue? Why or why not?
• What can we learn from that?
• What did Paul offer to do on behalf of Onesimus?
• What does this show you about his attitude toward Onesimus?
• Are there any lessons from this chapter that can help you solve conflicts or relationship issues?

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