It Starts Small

⁸ For this reason, although I have great boldness in Christ to command you to do what is right, ⁹ I appeal to you, instead, on the basis of love. I, Paul, as an elderly man and now also as a prisoner of Christ Jesus, ¹⁰ appeal to you for my son, Onesimus. I became his father while I was in chains.

Philemon 8-10

Paul chooses to passionately appeal to Philemon. He does this instead of wielding his authority to command. As an apostle, he had the right to demand that Philemon set Onesimus free and pardon his debts. Yet, in a profound display of love and compassion, he chooses to make a heartfelt appeal. This action reveals the deep bond of brotherhood that goes beyond mere authority.

Philemon 1:9 – I appeal to you, instead, on the basis of love

Philemon 1:10 – appeal to you for my son, Onesimus.

Why is making an appeal often far more impactful than simply issuing a command? Let me illustrate. One of my children receives a delightful sum of money as a birthday gift. My heart yearns to instill in him the beautiful lessons of generosity and the joy of giving to God. I understand the importance of connecting with him on a deeper level. Simply commanding him to part with some of his newfound treasure is insufficient. He might not grasp the significance behind my directive. He might feel frustrated. He could even feel resentful that I am mandating him to give away a piece of what he values. Alternatively, if he acquiesces, his actions might be mechanical. It could happen just because I instructed him to do so, without any real understanding.

As his mother, I have the authority to tell him what to do.

But issuing a direct command may not be the wisest approach. Instead, let’s have an inspiring conversation with my son about the incredible blessings God has given us. We can explore together the profound and simple commands from God regarding giving. By doing this, I can truly appeal to his heart. If he makes this decision independently and chooses to give willingly, he will receive blessings that far exceed mere obedience. The invaluable lessons he learns will also surpass those that come from obeying a command.

The fundamental truth is that true authority lies in restraint; possessing power doesn’t mean wielding it indiscriminately. A husband may be the head of the household. However, this shouldn’t devolve into a relentless barrage of commands like, “Wash the dishes! Bring me my food! Take care of the baby! Clean the floor!” Such orders should be reserved for rare moments, utilized only as a last resort. Instead, embracing the art of gracious requests not only fosters harmony but also deepens the bond in every relationship. This principle resonates across various spheres, including the sacred realm of church leadership.

Have you ever found yourself at a water park, only to be met with the relentless shrill of a whistle-blower? Imagine the frustration as he chastises you for merely enjoying a splash, his voice echoing through a loudspeaker! I once experienced a moment of sheer disbelief when I was reprimanded for swimming underwater at a pool (no exaggeration). When authority figures blow their whistles for every minor infraction, they risk desensitizing us to their warnings. This strips their significance away. It’s far wiser to reserve such sounds for true emergencies. In contrast, Paul chose the path of heartfelt persuasion. He avoided dictatorial commands. He inspired Philemon to genuinely reflect on his suggestion. This helped Philemon arrive at a decision that resonated deeply within his own heart.

Paul loved and cared for Onesimus

We saw in the first part of the chapter that Paul cared for Philemon. Here we see his deep care for Onesimus. Onesimus became like a son to Paul during his lonely confinement in Rome.

appeal to you for my son, Onesimus. I became his father while I was in chains.

Philemon 1:10

Paul knew both of them. He wanted the best for each. That made Paul the perfect mediator in their dispute.

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Cross-References

• Romans 12:1
• 2 Corinthians 5:20
• 1 Peter 2:11
• Hebrews 13:19

Discussion Questions

• What does Paul ask Philemon to do?
• Why could Paul give orders to Philemon?
• What did Paul decide to do instead of ordering Philemon?
• What does this teach us about using authority?
• What can you learn from this passage about communication?
• Who is Onesimus? What is his relationship to Philemon?
• What is his relationship to Paul? What does it mean “begotten in my imprisonment?”

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