It Starts Small

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Colossians 3:18

Instruction on Family Relationships (18-21)

I urge you to immerse yourself in the profound wisdom of verses 18-21. We will delve into their significance as we near the conclusion of our journey through the book of Colossians. Christ must reign supreme in our families, for they are under siege in today’s world! The divorce rate has skyrocketed, and one-parent homes have become the norm! Infidelity runs rampant, and the abhorrent notion of “one-night stands” is glorified in Hollywood. Children today are not only spoiled but also deeply unhappy, rebellious, and completely out of control. Parents are at their wits’ end. They often feel overwhelmed and defeated. Some resort to abandoning their children to avoid the exhausting battle of compliance. They are afraid of the anger and turmoil it may provoke. We constantly see heartbreaking news stories. They reveal the shocking desperation of parents. It serves as a stark reminder of the urgent need for change!

as fitting in the Lord

Jesus is reverently called “Lord” countless times throughout the New Testament. He is not just our Lord, our master, and our supreme authority, but so much more! He is our redeemer. He serves as our inspiring role model and our unwavering guide. He is our steadfast support and our cherished friend in every facet of life. Everything we undertake as individuals who have been baptized and enveloped in His grace is done “in the Lord” (Col. 3:17).

“In the Lord” (Greek: en kyriō) is a profound declaration that echoes throughout Paul’s writings, appearing an astounding 46 times. This powerful phrase encompasses people, activities, and ministries that are vibrantly “in the Lord.” For Paul, this expression, along with “in Christ,” beautifully encapsulates our profound state of being and belonging. Our very essence is wrapped in the truth that we are “in the Lord.” Yes, we are undeniably “in the Lord.”

Here’s another verse where Paul uses the phrase:

¹¹ Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.

1 Corinthians 11:11

“In the Lord” fervently unveils the profound significance of the verb “is fitting.” The Greek verb anēkō (“is fitting”) is powerful throughout the New Testament. It appears three notable times solely in Paul’s letters. He passionately urges Christians to embody behavior that is wholesome, proper, seemly, suitable, and dutiful. Beyond the stirring exhortation in Colossians 3:18, we also encounter this compelling term in Ephesians 5:4. Paul boldly declares that “obscene and foolish talking or crude joking is not anēkō.” In Philemon 1:8, Paul fervently beseeches Philemon, affirming that welcoming back Onesimus is indeed anēkō (Phlm. 1:17).

The tiny Greek word hōs is often translated as “as.” It carries with it a rich and profound sense of comparison. This unique comparison ignites the imagination. This beautiful particle is found in Ephesians 5:22 and 24. It powerfully shows how wives are called to submit to their husbands in an awe-inspiring manner. They are to submit “as to the Lord” and “as the church submits herself to Christ.”

The phrase as saying, “… submit in a manner that is appropriate for those who are in the Lord.” Accordingly, the CEB translates Colossians 3:18  as, “Wives, submit to your husbands in a way that is appropriate in the Lord.”

submit yourselves

Submission to husbands was not just a societal expectation for the noble wives of the first-century Greco-Roman world. It was a transformative call to honor and respect. This call rang deeply in Christian teachings. In the three powerful passages where Paul speaks of this submission, he redefines it through the lens of Christ’s love (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Tit. 2:4-5, Eph. 5:21). By infusing it with Christian meaning, Paul inspires a new understanding for Christian wives, establishing boundaries that elevate their dignity. This submission is not to be a source of shame or discomfort; it is meant to be graceful and appropriate. Above all, as with every expression of Christian life, it is an act woven with love and devotion.

I passionately define Christian submission as “humble, loyal, loving deference.” It also involves cooperation. The profound ideal of mutual submission lies at its heart. (Eph. 5:21). Demeaning, servile submission to a cruel, selfish man is absolutely not what Paul envisioned. That is not “fitting in the Lord.” Such a notion does not reflect the true essence of a Christian marriage.

Colossians 3:18 emphasizes a specific point. Wives are to submit themselves to their husbands, not to all men indiscriminately. There is a powerful truth in Scripture. No verse commands women to owe submission to men above the essential mutual submission. This mutual submission embodies humility, deference and cooperation. Every Christian is called to exhibit these virtues towards one another, irrespective of gender.

Unity is the Aim

The heartfelt instructions to wives and husbands in Colossians 3:18-19 come first. They precede a powerful call for compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love, and peace. These are elements that create a true bond of unity. (Col. 3:11-17). The essence of Christian submission transcends mere subordination; it champions unity above all. This profound truth resonates even more powerfully in Paul’s stirring treatise in Ephesians 5:22-33. He masterfully employs a head-body metaphor that embodies the beauty of unity. ( Col. 3:14-15).

Many people naively equate submission with authority. However, Paul boldly refrains from declaring husbands as the dominant rulers over their wives. Instead, he passionately implores them to love their wives fervently. He urges a profound connection grounded in devotion and care.

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Discussion Questions

• Who is the wife to be subject to?
• Why is this fitting in the Lord?
• As a woman, what would you say if a friend told you submitting to your husband means that you are inferior to him?

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