It Starts Small

We are going to break chapter 7 into two parts. Can I confess this was a difficult passage of scripture and many hours were spent in prayer over this chapter.

I believe the best way to break into this chapter is to ask a few questions:

What issue/issues is Paul addressing in these verses?

Why does he want to address these issues?

Are his answers to be applied only to that group of believers in Corinth or to all believers for all time? Why?

In these verses, Paul answers some questions. They previously asked him about sex, marriage, divorce, and so on. These are big, big issues that relate to the deepest parts of our heart.

The Bible is not silent. God knows how important these issues are to us. He does not leave us to walk in the dark. We do not have to make the best way that we can on our own. The norm is for believers to follow the pattern of the culture around them. But this is NEVER right for believers to do for any issue, especially such an important one. The Bible is our standard, NOT culture. It is important that we first understand this: God created marriage. He designed us as sexual beings. He also laid down the principles that we have to follow. Like everything else, Satan has twisted this and perverted it in a hundred different ways. So let us examine what the Bible says about some of these issues. We need to make up our minds to follow it rather than just our own ideas or culture.

 Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ² But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2

What can we learn in verses 1-2 about the boundaries for sex? IS sex a serious topic? What does God’s Word speak on the topic of sex.

So God created man
in his own image;
he created him in the image of God;
he created them male and female.

²⁸ God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth.” ²⁹ God also said, “Look, I have given you every seed-bearing plant on the surface of the entire earth and every tree whose fruit contains seed. This will be food for you, ³⁰ for all the wildlife of the earth, for every bird of the sky, and for every creature that crawls on the earth—everything having the breath of life in it—I have given^[a] every green plant for food.” And it was so. ³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good indeed. Evening came and then morning: the sixth day.

Genesis 1:27-31

God created marriage and blessed it and pronounced it “very good”.

4 Additionally then, brothers and sisters, we ask and encourage you in the Lord Jesus, that as you have received instruction from us on how you should live and please God—as you are doing—do this even more. ² For you know what commands we gave you through the Lord Jesus.

³ For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you keep away from sexual immorality, ⁴ that each of you knows how to control his own body in holiness and honor, ⁵ not with lustful passions, like the Gentiles, who don’t know God. ⁶ This means one must not transgress against and take advantage of a brother or sister in this manner, because the Lord is an avenger of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you. ⁷ For God has not called us to impurity but to live in holiness.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-7

Sanctification and purity.

⁹ See which field they are harvesting, and follow them. Haven’t I ordered the young men not to touch you? When you are thirsty, go and drink from the jars the young men have filled.”

Ruth 2:9

Touching as a euphemism for sex.

³ But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints.

Ephesians 5:3

Fornication should not even be named among you. Your name and my name should not be tied to any sort of fornication.

¹⁸ Do not commit adultery.

Deuteronomy 5:18

The one who commits adultery lacks sense;
whoever does so destroys himself.

Proverbs 6:32

From these verses we learn that sex is serious. Touching a woman is a Jewish euphemism for sex. Many people, especially guys, think that it is good if you can do it. But here it is says it is good not to do it. It should be something to be refrained from.

Does that mean we can never have sex? Why then did God create it?

We can, but there are boundaries. What are the boundaries? The boundaries are found in verse 2 and also in verse 9.

 ² But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband.

⁹ But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.

1 Corinthians 7:2,9

The boundary is marriage. There is no gray area to what God’s Word speak.

The Bible repeats this again and again. Marriage is the only proper place to exercise our spirituality. There is no other outlet, whether through prostitute, girl friend, self-gratification, or just casual sex. These are all various forms of immorality. How can we do it without immorality, get married!

Why is it so serious? Why can we not just enjoy it like we enjoy movies or sports or anything else? Isn’t it just biological? NO. Remember last week. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Sex is a joining. It is a physical and emotional bond, not to be taken lightly. A big problem in our society is the “casualization” of sex.

What are some problems with it? Besides direct disobedience to God, this can cause long lasting emotional scars on both sides. It can create a habit of lust and looking for beauty. It can make people less committed when their true wife or husband comes along. It will cause more divorces in the future. It can cause comparing within a marriage.

The one who commits adultery lacks sense;
whoever does so destroys himself.

Proverbs 6:32

Sexual sin is extremely destructive. It is playing with fire and one can not go without being burned.

So, marriage is the ONLY outlet for sex. Where can we sign up? Not so fast. Just as sex is serious so is marriage.

 ³ A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. ⁴ A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to^[d] prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶ I say this as a concession, not as a command. 

1 Corinthians 7:3-6

Marriage is serious, you are literally giving yourself to another. This brings about many questions:

How is this different from a single person?

What does it mean in verse 5 to deprive one another? Why should a couple not do this?

What is the one reason they can do it?

Notice also the wife and husband are to have their “own” spouse. Notice also the words “duty” and “authority”. We learn several things from these verses:

Sex is both a duty and a right within marriage.

This means we should not look at sex as merely something to please our own desires. It is not merely self-gratification. It, like everything else in the life of a believer, is not to be self-centered. It is meant to please the other side.

A spouse is literally giving himself to his spouse. You know longer belong to yourself.

This is an important principle in marriage. YOU ARE NO LONGER YOUR OWN. Your body, physically and emotionally belongs to your spouse. This applies to sex, but it applies to every area of a couple’s life. Marriage is a very serious thing. It is giving yourself to another. You no longer belong to yourselves, but to your wife or husband. Are you ready to give up your freedom? Are you ready to be unselfish and care for the other first?

Sex is a normal part of marriage that should be practiced

Sex is not a toy. It is not to be manipulated. It is not to be given out as a reward or withheld as a punishment. Abuse of sex in a marriage is one of the biggest causes for divorce. What is the problem with depriving? It lends to temptation. Sex keeps a couple close together. It is not a bad thing, but a good thing.

The main reason not to do it (and this only for a time) is to especially focus on the Lord. This would be like a physical fasting. However, it should not be long-term as that opens the door for temptation.

 ⁷ I wish that all people were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that.

⁸ I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. ⁹ But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9

The gift of celibacy – Singleness is serious; it is to be used for the glory of God.

So you say, you’re not married, what does this lesson have for you? Firstly, it can remind you of the limits of sex. It prepares you for the seriousness and responsibility of marriage. It also prepares you to be a good husband or wife one day.

But secondly, it can remind all of us that singleness is not a bad thing. Actually, to many it is a gift. There are two kinds of singleness: temporary singleness and permanent singleness.

Temporary. Maybe you do not have the gift of celibacy. That does not mean that your singleness is a waste of time. Definitely not. It is a time to develop your relationship to God. This prepares you for marriage. It is also a time to serve the Lord without distractions while you can focus on that even more fully.

Permanent. This is even better than temporary singleness. Paul himself appears to have been single permanently and to have this gift. It is not a bad thing, but to whom it has been given it is a “good” thing.

A person with this gift has unique opportunities to serve the Lord. Think of Paul and Peter. Peter was married. Paul was not. Paul was far more free to travel around the world to do ministry than Peter. There is a real sense where a believing husband’s interests on divided. He will definitely have less time to do ministry. However, for a believing husband his wife and children can also be his ministry. Neither one is right for everyone. Both are good and both are to be done whole-heartedly for the glory of the Lord.

¹⁰ To the married I give this command—not I, but the Lord—a wife is not to leave her husband. ¹¹ But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband—and a husband is not to divorce his wife. ¹² But I (not the Lord) say to the rest: If any brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³ Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. ¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace. ¹⁶ Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.

1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Divorce is serious. Do not do it, even if your spouse is an unbeliever.

³ Some Pharisees approached him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?”

⁴ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female, ⁵ and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

⁷ “Why then,” they asked him, “did Moses command us to give divorce papers and to send her away?”

⁸ He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:3-9

Jesus spoke out on divorce. What is God’s principle on divorce? Let us reread verses 12-16 again.

¹² But I (not the Lord) say to the rest: If any brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³ Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. ¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace. ¹⁶ Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

Just as marriage is serious before God, so is ending it. Culture has turned marriage into almost a kind of test. Try for awhile and see if it works. God views it very differently. It is a lifelong commitment. We are not to go into marriage thinking that divorce is a way out if it goes wrong. One who gets married is taking a vow before the Lord. He should not take it lightheartedly. God hates divorce. It was not part of His plan from the beginning. Man and woman are designed to be lifelong mates.

Divorce wrecks the home, wrecks the children, wrecks the spouses. It wrecks society. The Bible only gives three legitimate ways out of marriage. One, is death. This breaks the bond. Two, is adultery. We should remember too that believers should forgive even seventy times seven times. A mistake, even one as serious as adultery, can be forgiven by a spouse. They should try to fix the marriage and make it right. Only if it is a perpetual problem with no repentance is divorce really an option. Third, if an unbelieving spouse wants to divorce the believer, they may not be persuaded against it. It is probably that the believer became so after marriage. We’ll look at that in a minute.

In Jewish history, any little thing was used as a grounds for divorce, including burning dinner. This is not a biblical concept. Marriage is holy and sacred. And we should also remember what marriage is a picture of. What is it a picture of? Ephesians 5. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Does Christ ever divorce, put away, or reject the church? No. As believers, we need to live out this picture so the world can see how Christ loves the church.

The simple rule for believers married to unbelievers is this: Try to stay married. However, if the unbeliever refuses, then let them go. Again, we should be reminded that the Bible is also clear believers should marry believers. This is talking to those who were saved after getting married. It also addresses those who sinned and got married anyway but maybe changed their minds later.

Why stay married? The blessings God gives to the believer overflows to the whole family, including husband/wife and children. The good example of the husband could lead to the salvation of their wife and vice-versa. It does not teach that the whole family is saved through one. Other Scripture is clear it is an individual decision. Yet one member of the family can have a big impact on the rest.

NOTE – God does not want a husband or a wife to stay in a relationship that is physically abusive. Abuse can also be financially, sexually, or emotional. This not covered in this passage but a topic often discussed. If you face abuse in any of these areas, find a safe place for yourself and your children. Additionally, pursue mature spiritual mentorship and pastoral counseling. Abusive behavior goes against the very nature of God. It has no room in a marriage. This is true for any relationship, for that matter. God’s Word is clear on what to do with those who are abusive. I wanted to include this to avoid any comments on the topic. We are studying the passage of scripture and this passage does not include abuse but is a very relevant topic.

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