It Starts Small

I know many of my close friends and family do not understand the love I have for my ex husband. I still have compassion and care for him, despite 24 years of abuse. It is a different type of love. I am no longer under his authority as he chose divorce over God, but I still care about him, it is just different than if we were married. Love, looks beyond wrong doings and is motivated by the love, grace, and mercy that God has given us. I look beyond this man’s wrong doing and place my hope in a God who loves not just me, but him also. There is always a chance for that man to turn away from his path and choose repentance. I pray for him daily, but he is no longer my concern or charged to my care.

I would be a liar if I said the idea of vengeance was lost to me. I have videos and pictures from two decades of an abusive drunk. I thought about posting them on social media to slander him, shame him, to get others to wake up and realize this man was a sheep in wolf’s clothing. I desired to take screen shots of messages he sent while love bombing me, claiming God this and God that…. to reveal he was a blasphemer. I thought about posting the email of him twisting scripture and using it in a disgusting way…. Hiring a lawyer and taking everything I possibly could from him. So many text messages written and erased. So many emails written and deleted. I struggled with wanting to pay that man back for spending 24 years in hell. The biggest problem was the Holy Spirit’s conviction to stop it. I knew what I was thinking was wrong but I did not know what to do with it. Then I came across this passage of scripture while crying out for help from the Lord:

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. ¹⁸ If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. ²⁰ But
If your enemy is hungry, feed him.
If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
For in so doing
you will be heaping fiery coals on his head.
²¹ Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.

Romans 12:17-21

DO not pay evil for evil. I cried that morning. I knew I was on the tip of a knife and about to cut myself if I pursued the path of vengeance against this man. God speaks in both the Old and New Testament that vengeance is HIS and HIS alone.

Vengeance and retribution belong to me.
In time their foot will slip,
for their day of disaster is near,
and their doom is coming quickly.”

Deuteronomy 32:35

God tells us, the people who have done us wrong, who refuse to repent, take responsibility, their disaster is near and their doom is coming quickly.

Paul quotes Deuteronomy in Romans. Our English definition of vengeance is retribution or repayment for wrongs committed. The Hebrew word used here is nāqām. It means avenged, quarrel, vengeance. In Greek, the word is ekdikēsis and means vindication, retribution:—(a-, re-)venge(-ance), punishment.

When we put these definitions side by side we learn that God punishes the wicked. We are not to exact punishment on behalf of God for His honor, He will satisfy His own wrath. God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah out of vengeance for their iniquity. He withheld vengeance from Nineveh when Jonah preached the truth and they turned to God.

We also learn from these definitions, we are saved to offer mercy, NOT vindication. Thanks to Jesus we do not receive retribution (vengeance) from God for our sin. If someone hurts us, we must not become absorbed in proving who was right or wrong (vindication).

So How do we apply these verses to our lives?

A question we need to ask ourselves, how far would you go in order to be “right”? What motivates your actions? Is is a desire of the flesh or righteous anger?

Remember what Paul writes earlier in Romans:

as it is written:
There is no one righteous, not even one.

Romans 3:10

The only way to righteousness is through faith in Jesus.

The righteousness of God is through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe, since there is no distinction.

Romans 3:22

If we are saved by grace, then grace has set us free from punishment, but also from condemnation under the law. The contrast to this freedom with our former depravity should make us actively aware that we are not owed anything by God, yet he already bought our freedom at the cross. Ideally, with this truth in mind, we will let God avenge us when we suffer for Christ and we will not seek vindication from the world. His glory is all that matters. Read that again, HIS glory is all that matters!

Focusing on today’s scripture, Paul quotes Deuteronomy 32:35 in his letter to the Romans. He has been teaching them not to “repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:17-18).

Paul’s is counseling us not to seek to be made right in the eyes of others and to concentrate on God’s glory and not our own.

Indeed, you put them in slippery places;
you make them fall into ruin.

Psalm 73:18

The Psalmist writes, God will ensure the Psalmist’s enemies are defeated. We also read that God is the judge of His people:

For we know the one who has said,
Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay,
and again,
The Lord will judge his people.

Hebrew 10:30

We have a tendency to want justice for ourselves and to be treated fairly. Our society is hyper focused on “rights.” This position that you have particular rights is a self-centered expectation. God never said we would be treated fairly on earth. God’s word also says we do not deserve or get what we think we deserve.

For sin will not rule over you, because you are not under the law but under grace.

Romans 6:14

As Christians we live under grace, not the law. We are better off under grace than “human rights.” Our rights are to belong to Jesus, to stand justified before a holy God, to own everything and inherit everything, to love our enemies, to return good for evil, to treasure Christ above all things. These were blood-bought rights. They can not be secured for us through a law.

The cross is the only unfair thing in all of history. A sinless man went to Golgotha and died so that all repentant sinners could be saved. The resurrection was God’s vindication of Jesus in a sense. By His resurrection Jesus ascended to the right hand of the Father and demonstrated His mighty power over Satan and sin. And, where we deserve judgement and vengeance, God instead gave us something better than vindication—we receive justification.

When we think it matters to be proven right, remember that only a sinless man bought the inheritance for us by His own blood. No matter what the injustice is, God’s gift of grace in eternal. His gift is the remedy for the injustices of this earth.

I had to decide to step off the knife and give it to the Lord. Lay it at His feet and decide I did not need validation from others. I did not need to prove who was right or wrong. I no longer desired to return hurt for hurt. I had to decide that, that man may never know the hurt he dished out in his own hands, words and actions. I had to come to a place in God that it was okay if he never took responsibility for what he had done, because someday, before God he would have to answer for the choices given to him.

I decided not to take a higher road, there is no egotism, rather I had to walk in humility and decide it was in God’s hand what happen moving forward. God’s Word speaks that all things will be made known and all things in secret will be revealed. It was not my place to seek retribution through humiliation or any other means. It was God’s place. He was there every minute of those 24 years. He knows the heart of that man. It is up to God to deal with him, not me. I let go and moved forward knowing that just as I was condemned for my own sin, it was God’s grace and mercy that forgave me when I did not deserve to be forgiven. All I could do was extend that grace and mercy to that man by choosing to forgive and laying down an weapon the enemy tried to put in my hands.

An eye for an eye is hate. It is what keeps generational cycles of abuse and violence going. Let us always remember than we have a choice. Let us always remember to give the option to God and not take it upon ourselves to exact revenge. Let us instead choose to forgive and walk in the Spirit of forgiveness and choose to bless, pray for and be kind to our enemies instead of repaying them with evil.

 But
If your enemy is hungry, feed him.
If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
For in so doing
you will be heaping fiery coals on his head.

Romans 12:20

In the end I had to ask myself… What benefit to the kingdom of God would there be in taking revenge? How would revenge lead others to Christ? What would revenge reflect to others? A God who loves, give grace and mercy or evil which seeks to hurt and destroy?

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