It Starts Small

I started noticing a pattern in my walk with Jesus. After great spiritual truth comes weariness and the squeeze. Have you ever just felt exhausted when you discover a mighty truth? I had spent days pouring over discovering who my real enemy is and how to arm myself against his attacks. I felt exhausted. Not physically or emotionally. Just like my spirit had been through a marathon, I crossed the finish line and now I was just exhausted.

Trials and Tribulation. Heat and pressure. The squeeze. The first real squeeze came the morning after I concluded my study about evil and armor. I sat that morning in prayer thinking about how amazing and wonderful my Heavenly Father is. I sat in prayer rejoicing over all that he had revealed through the Holy Spirit. I rejoiced and praised him for showing me and transforming me.

Then came the phone call. My husband asked for a divorce and told me he didn’t love me, oh the house is under contract to top it off. I was dumbfounded. This was not what God had revealed. I was shocked that the man who said I’m leaving here to go find God and myself, had laid his cards on the table. He never had any intention to uphold what he promised or the commitment he had made. None of it made any sense, and add to the blender what the Holy Spirit spoken months earlier.

I sat not knowing what to say or how to respond. I asked for time to think over his request. To confess I was angry. It was a different kind of anger. I sat on our deck and just spoke to Jesus. Jesus, what on earth is going on? Why did the words he spoke to me seem so familiar. I ran inside and grabbed my journal. I always write when the Holy Spirit speaks to me. My husband had spoken the exact words the Holy Spirit told me he would say. I just learned that demons have no power and only God knows the future.

The day the Holy Spirit spoke what he did to me was the same day he also spoke over this place. That day it made sense that he was revealing someone’s intent. But I wasn’t understanding what was happening in this moment.

What do we do in these moments? How do deal with the squeeze? The tests of our faith. How do we react and stand firm and become immovable in our faith? How do we posses faith? My journey had circled back around to faith. This squeeze wasn’t about my husband or this house. This squeeze was Jesus wanting to change something in me. He wanted something out of me and through it to give me more.

We need to posses faith and faith needs to posses us.

Doubt sees obstacles , faith sees the way.

Doubt sees the darkest night, faith sees the day.

Doubt dreads to take a step, faith soars high.

Doubt questions who you believe, faith answers I believe.

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6

In John 4:46-54 we read an interesting account about Jesus healing a nobleman’s child. Jesus rebuked the man.

Then said Jesus unto him, Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe. John 4:48

Then Jesus spoke to him and there was a transformation.

49 The nobleman saith unto him, Sir, come down ere my child die. 50 Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way. John 4:49-50

The man believed the word.

What does this man’s story have to show us? We tend to build our faith on superstition. When this man encountered Jesus it was after his miracle of turning water into wine. He had heard that Jesus could do miracles. Jesus tells him, you only believe because of signs and wonders. This man was dependent on his five senses to believe. He herd so he believed.

How many times have we found ourselves praying for a sign, a wonder, or miracle to experience so we know Gods is real?

23 Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. 24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men, John 2:23-24

Jesus knew the hearts of those who were following after him. They want to see to believe. They were only believing in the miracle and not him. It’s not different today. People want visions, dreams, and a feeling to believe. I confess, that I was waiting for a sign. I was waiting for these things to happen so that I could believe them. I knew what God wanted, but I didn’t believe they could happen until I saw them.

It begs the question, why did Jesus preform miracles, signs and wonders?

Ye men of Israel, hear these words; Jesus of Nazareth, a man approved of God among you by miracles and wonders and signs, which God did by him in the midst of you, as ye yourselves also know: Acts 2:22

And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book: 31 But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name. John 20:30-31

Our Heavenly Father worked signs and wonders through Jesus to authenticate his ministry. The miracles were so we would believe Jesus, not be enamored by them. To seek our savior, not a sign.

Truly the signs of an apostle were wrought among you in all patience, in signs, and wonders, and mighty deeds. 2 Corinthians 12:12

Paul had the same power, the Holy Spirit, and through Paul he worked signs and wonders. It wasn’t so people would worship Paul, it was so God could authenticate to the people his ministry.

God also bearing them witness, both with signs and wonders, and with divers miracles, and gifts of the Holy Ghost, according to his own will? Hebrews 2:4

It is not man that has the power of witness, it is God who has the power.

God gave us something better than signs and wonders! He gave us Christ and the Holy Spirit. Through Christ and the Holy Spirit he gives us truth! Every time you pick your Bible up and search, seek and study the Word of God he gives us truth. We don’t need a sign or wonder. The truth is right at our finger tips.

What’s wrong for asking for a sign or wonder? It completely dishonors God when we have all of his written word. We are actually asking God to satisfy our senses.

24 But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe. John 20:24-25

Even one of Jesus disciples, who Jesus told I will rise, who had the spoken word from Jesus himself, did not believe Jesus’ resurrection. He had to satisfy his eyes and wanted to actually touch the nail scares to believe. He had to see it to believe it.

Another problem with a see it to believe it faith is that it is deceiving. Our friendly sinister minister of evil has limited power to preform his own miracles and wonders.

Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, 2 Thessalonians 2:9

13 And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of men, 14 And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live. Revelation 13:13-14

The devil can do signs and wonders. Can you imagine waiting for and asking God to do a sign so you can believe. You see a star fall from the sky and you believe. You die, show up at the judgement seat and tell God I saw your sign and believed. God said I know you not and as you drop into hell satan is laughing the whole way.

Do I believe in miracles? Absolutely! My salvation is a miracle. Being healed of cancer is a miracle. But do I believe God because of those things, absolutely not. I only believe in what he has spoken through his written word and the Holy Spirit. (Yes, satan can mimic the Holy Spirit, we will get to that soon)

I sat there that afternoon thinking about my faith. I knew I had slightly gone astray. I was waiting for these things to happen. Deep down I wasn’t believing The Who, I was believing the what. Jesus voice echoed in my heart….do you believe I’m real. I chuckled. I knew what he was asking. Do you believe what I have spoken is absolute truth? Are you leaning on the truth or waiting to believe the word is truth.

That was the squeeze. Am I superficial as this man, or was I all in?

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Side note. Just this very morning I was in a deep struggle. I’ve been studying something I hope to share down the road. I’ve been exhausted and today I was supposed to do a bunch of things, and found myself walking out of the DMV. It’s about 45-hour away from my house. I write these blogs a few days in advance. I didn’t have time this morning to hit publish. I try my best to make sure they’re scripturally accurate and I do Ty to catch my English grammar errors. Anyways, I’ve tried three times to get my drivers license transferred from Wyoming to Colorado. It expires the 18th of this month. Once again, I now need a driving record.

I walked out of there crushed and defeated. I sat in my truck with tears rolling down my face. I knew it wasn’t the situation it was deeper. Once again, I’m staring down this situation…again. My heart was full of doubt and I started to wonder if maybe God was just giving up on all these things. Maybe our time had run out and his patience had run out.

I’m thankful I’m writing and sharing my journey. I thought about this blog I didn’t get posted this morning. I thought about the verses this past week in my devotion, the prayer the song leader at church prayed yesterday. None of it was coincidence. Once again…..do you believe I’m real.

Strong faith doesn’t come over night. Strong faith comes by the testing of it. A faith that can’t be tested is not a real faith.